Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
