Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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