your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
