I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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