You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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