Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
