It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
