its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
