She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
