Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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