I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
