He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
