Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
