I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
