She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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