my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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