Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How naked do you want me to be?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
