I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
