the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
