In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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