I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
