Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
