Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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