they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
