We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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