she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
