I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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