They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
