You smell like stripper and shame
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
