You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
