I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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