The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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