I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
