The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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