Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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