Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
