Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
