i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
