you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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