I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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