I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
