I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk is not a location!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
