did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
