You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
