Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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