she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We smell like vodka and hangover
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