I'm really into asian looking animals
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
