i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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