When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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