I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
