This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
