in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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